And it has also got me thinking. Yes, it's true that things are generally are going alright. But they haven’t always been alright, and that’s in a way the beauty of the whole year, the year I do feel I have "given back to God". It’s funny, because sometimes I wonder how I can ever get across what I have experienced this year. I so long to be able to articulate it, but the more time I spend with people the more I realise the inadequacy of my attempts: sure, the inadequacy of my German, but also when I try to explain to my parents for example on the phone what I have been doing, experiencing and feeling words, even English words, just cannot express it. It’s not only been a year of cultural learning but also one where I have been stretched and tested through things I probably would not have wanted to be tested through. But wonderfully I can see how God has been teaching and using me this year, and it all fits in hugely with the book of Hebrews in the Bible which I am reading at the moment:
“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as children? It says,It kind of goes without saying exactly what the hard times mean about God and what He is doing and why in my life. And why it makes me sing for joy to own that truth for myself.
‘My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child.’
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” [Hebrews 12:5-7]
Ahh, I could go on and on…
However, in other news:
Francis came to visit, it was so wonderful and challenging and super to have him around. Totally weird in a way because he was suddenly sat there in my German kitchen eating my German food off my German plates and just exuding England and Lymington and generally everything I had kind of forgotten that I missed. So it was indeed bittersweet seeing him off at the train station but it was such fun: we borrowed bikes (great thing about having good friends, they lent us bikes, but not only good friends but good German friends because she raised the saddles to their most efficient height so we could get the max out of our riding. Quality. Thanks Lise!) and with the bikes we cycled with two of my favourite people out to Köpenick (where Ellen used to teach) … people being Tine and Hartmut. Hartmut has great banter as well which I appreciate in mildly banter-starved times. I try now my German is up to making-jokes level, but it always falls flat, not just because I don’t ever get the intonation quite right, but also because black humour or sarcasm is just “what”?
I have taken an unprecedented interest in the recent elections, not least because I have been living in a city which bears the scars of nationalism. And I am also becoming more pro-Europe now. And that’s not just because Louisa is pretty politically opinionated (and I mean that in the nicest way) but I am seeing more and more the benefits of Europe and the arrogance with which many anti- parties go about their rhetoric about it.
I am really sad that I have under a month left now in Berlin and am also totally ambivalent about going to Barcelona with IFES for debriefing. Yeah, sure, Barcelona is schön and all that and I’ve never been to Spain but I want to capitalise on this time with my friends here and just keep on keeping on going and going … and of course I get a bittersweet kick out of every time someone says (and I count the occasions still on one hand) “ah Emily I will miss you an unbelievable amount” (exaggeration of ‘unbelievable’ here should probably be acknowledged)
And I have a bike which creaks and only brakes when you push the pedals backwards (Rücktrittbremse apparently) but it is so much fun riding around Berlin on the wrong side of the road and feeling so German and just there. I’m so there. So there.
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